Lately I have been giving a lot of thought to writing another book. I put so many roadblocks in front of me; I have so many excuses of why not to start; I berate myself; and beat myself up repeatedly. However, I do have several legitimate concerns.
Since I have multiple sclerosis, my brain function seems to lag and it comes to a screeching halt. And all of a sudden The Cooking Channel seems to have so much more to offer. Chopped is a favorite. The next food network Star is right up there. And any show having to do with Chef Gordon Ramsey makes me cringe and at the same time keep my eyes glued to the screen to see which chef in the competition will have his balls rolled up, sautéed and put into a deep fryer. And that includes the females. It seems to me that they keep most irritating contestants on the show just to irritate the hell out of me and just for television interest and not for their expertise in the kitchen. I really don’t know why I keep watching, except to procrastinate and to watch something so mind numbingly inane.
I am living my life in a wheelchair being paralyzed on my left side from this godforsaken disease. So many adjustments must be made including the use of a voice activation microphone system in order to type. For I have learned to adjust to most of the problems I have, but most frustrating thing is that I am so for can slow in body and mind. And so my life is so scheduled in order to get everything done, or at least something done in the course of the day. Facebook has become a crutch and instead of going over to the computer to write I find myself gravitating to that wonderful page of inspirational messages and funny cartoons instead of using the inspiration to actually get some actual writing done.
Fortunately, I have a home health aide who comes five days a week to help me do household chores and my personal hygiene, helping me in and out of bed and doing whatever task I feel like handling on any particular day. She is a godsend and has become a blessed friend. Tenaye is from Ethiopia and has had a very interesting and yet traumatic life. She is a very staunch Christian, and believes to the letter in the Bible. I am a very spiritual person but not religious in any sense of the word and interpret things very differently than she does and yet we are two peas in a pod. She is the one with legs. I am the one with wheels.
My first book is an autobiography of my life with MS and the struggles and triumphs I have achieved. My next book will be a novel drawn from the events of my life. For now I’ll just make sure that I have all my cooking shows, recorded, even the reruns and that wonderful show on BBC called Master Chef which I have now become addicted to. One of my greatest lessons and one of the hardest to accomplish for me is to be kind to myself and not to beat myself up and to learn to enjoy the moment. Growing up in a very Catholic family, the greatest lesson learned there was guilt which I got down impeccably. Writing is my salvation. And once I put my thoughts down on paper they seem to be lessening my load. It is definitely time to start writing again if only for myself.