Yes, I Do Have MS; Yes, I Do Have Much to Share!


Multiple Sclerosis is a mean son of a bitch! And there are times when it will just come right up behind you and give you a full force shove meaning to push you right off the cliff. It has no care whatsoever, no conception of the hurt, pain, humiliation and degradation that it leaves in its wake. There are times when it seems as though MS is an entity all its own and it is a totally separate being from myself who has attached its talons to my brain and spinal column even in my dreams.

And as with everything else that comes along, I pick myself up, dust myself off, and I start all over again perhaps a little scuffed up and a little more scarred and at the same time stronger and tougher than before. And maybe you weren’t aware that orange is the official color of MS. Well, it is and it is also one of my favorite fruits with the tang and a zing that you could add to almost anything and it will make it taste even better. Perhaps that is why it is the color for MS. Bright and cheerful with a tough outer layer that protects the soul within so even when we get bumped and bruised we are still vibrant and lively inside.

So really, the only thing to do, the best thing to do is to pick yourself up and just keep going wherever the road of life leads’s no use dwelling upon things that it happened in the past. God knows I’ve done enough of that since my MS diagnosis over 40 years ago! And it also doesn’t mean that there has not been a lot of self-pity, crying why God why? Sending myself into frenzy of not knowing how I’m ever going to go on or what the hell I am going to do. Just because it’s the best thing to do doesn’t mean that it’s the easiest thing to do. It’s often times the hardest thing. But along with the loss and grief comes self-awareness and self growth.

When I would really love is to have orange trees growing in my yard not only for the deliciousness, the sweetness and the beauty and also for the gentle reminder that yes, I do have MS and yes, I do have much to share.

I have shared my story in the book I have written Potty Mouth which you can now find as an e-book and as a paper back! It is available at Barnes & Noble, Amazon, Author House and in other fine bookstores everywhere.if you are someone with MS or if you know someone with MS give the book as a gift. 10% of all the book sales are  going to The MS Society. I want to be able to be someone who can say I helped to find a cure.

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Yes, I Do Have MS; Yes, I Do Have Much to Share!

  1. Hi Renae,

    I have recently had a full force shove and it really tried hard to push me off the cliff.

    This relapse affected the vision in my good eye (why the hell didn’t it go for the already bad one?!) Because it’s a bully. And after a strong dose for 5 days of horrible but necessary, I guess, steroids, it affecting my eye and 5 weeks later I am still in the process of picking that lovely orange up! I am getting there.

    This was a lovely empathetic post, thank you.


    Christine xx

    • renaeclare says:

      oh my God, Christina! I am so sorry to hear about your relapse. What a mean mother Fucker. I hope you are getting better and better. I is your vision now? I took steroids in the beginning when I had problems with my eyes too and I just hated it and I also know feels to be in such a vulnerable position and not knowing whether to listen to the doctors or tell them to go to hell and leave you alone. are you able to get around? Enter is your husband there to support you and be your honey? I want only the best for you. Love you

      • Thanks Renae. Yes it sure is a mother Fucker! I have lots of support, my husband is here and does his best but he will never understand and can only give me practical help. (I am not belittling this as it is very important) But we are not very emotionally connected; I don’t think we ever have been to be totally honest. I have grown up children though who can help both practically and emotionally so I am very fortunate in that respect.
        My vision seems to have improved a little over the past week and I have a hospital appointment tomorrow with the eye doctor to have a field vision test to see the progress, if any.

        I am pissed off too though because I only have use of one hand and because of overusing the other, have just had 2 injections in it for severe tendonitis which don’t seem to be working. I have to wear a horribly restrictive splint so effectively I have no f****** hands, and a huge amount of pain – rant over 🙂

        I hope you are as ok as possible and I love you too

        Christine xx

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s