1907 Vincent van Gogh oil painting Head of a Man.
This is part two of the assignment that my marketing director for my book Potty Mouth, as a part of the plan to tell people about the book. I am to explain how my relationships friends, family, children, my husband had been affected by having multiple sclerosis. Yesterday’s post was not too bad, dealing with myself and my children. Today’s post is a God damn mess. I don’t want to do it. I don’t want to write it. I don’t want to think about it. and with most things, the more risk the more reward. So here goes
.My relationship with my ex-husband lasted for 18 years. 16 of those years I thought were happy. I thought we had a strong bond and as the old cliché goes, I thought we were soul mates. For the last two years of my marriage the strings that tied that bond together loosened and frayed.
As my symptoms of MS became worse and more abundant and as my body changed into something to me was unrecognizable so did his love for me dwindle and fall apart. Having a wife with MS did not fall into his life’s plan and so he went looking for a stronger woman. One who did not embarrass him, walk with a cane or walker, or generally slow down is busy and active life.
He is one of those men who went online and found a new relationship. Of course it was unknown to me and the lies were abundant. I fell for them hook, line and sinker. I couldn’t imagine that this wonderful man could deceive me so cruelly. He became verbally abusive and turned into someone I couldn’t even fathom. Things like this only happened to other women and certainly would not enter the home of two people who loved each other so much.
Eventually we would divorce and I moved to Dallas Texas to start my life all over. I survived everything and with the help of my psychotherapy I got stronger emotionally and spiritually even while physically I was falling apart. My therapist, Dr. Cinzia Levalds has helped me to see that my ex-husband is really very weak man and that true love would withstand any physical illness. And so I started to love myself more and more as I dealt with the demons. I no longer rely on someone elses vision of what I am or am supposed to be and I rely on my self.
Even though I have to rely on other people and especially on my daughter, Lara to get through my day to day activities I have learned that I have strengths that I was not even aware of before I developed MS. I certainly would never have written and published the book or have the self-confidence to put it out into the world. My book Potty Mouth is an MS memoir told from a real voice of what it’s like to have this disease under tremendous stress.
And now I feel extremely proud that I have gone through a deep depression into a place where I write and work every day and I can use those lessons that I’ve learned along the way to lead a good life.
Potty Mouth Is now available on Amazon as a paperback book and will be in e-book form in a matter of weeks. Those are words that I never could’ve imagined I would say. And here I am a published author and only because I had MS and because I am strong. Hallelujah! Bring it on!