A Relationship With My MS Self


Famous painting by Pablo Picasso Head of a Woman. 1907. Oil on canvas. Barnes Foundation, Lincoln University, Merion, PA, USA

My book Potty Mouth is now live on Amazon!  http://www.amazon.com/ Holy Mother of  God!  Finally. It first went on sale on World MS Day.  Coincidence? I don’t think so! I am so excited.  The e-book will not be for sale for 3 weeks or so.  Don’t know why.. not up to me. My marketing director (I can’t do this all alone) has given me an assignment:

My question for today…How has multiple sclerosis affected your relationships with your family,   your friends, your husband and your children?

I don’t even know where to begin!  I am in a serious mind fog–I can’t think straight, I can’t even see straight. so I will to start from the beginning. My relationship with myself.

MS has affected me since I was in my late teens so of course I have changed and grown so much over the years. when you have MS and start  life in a wheelchair, as I have, you begin to seep into yourself. I have always been a reader and I started to read all kinds of self-help books, spiritual books, inspirational books and anything to help my spirit grow. Or rather to help me find my spiritual self. MS has helped me to get closer to God. So in that sense MS has made me much stronger; a more empathetic person and someone who sees a little bit of good in everyone.

I didn’t wake up one day with an epiphany. I did not see the form of Jesus on a bagel or have a dream where God spoke to me of the meaning of life. Spiritual growth is a long and painful path that goes on until our very last breath on earth and what incredible lessons I learned from the hardships of multiple sclerosis. One of those lessons is how to love myself in spite of my rickety, misshapen body that won’t listen to me when I tell it to, yell it to, scream and cry and beg it to.

And so the lessons I learned help me get on with my MS life.

MS has surely affected my 2 grown children. They’ve known I have the beast from the beginning.  The stumbling, falling, trembling etc. They know the external struggle on the outside only  and I have done my damnedest, particularly when they were young, to keep as much from them as possible, being the mom and all.

My son, Ryan lives and works in Houston and isn’t here for the day to day life of an MS sufferer.  My daughter, Lara is my angel sent from heaven.  I live with her and we have learned how to be kind to one another and MS has brought us so close. She learns much  from me. and I from her.

Since I started to write Potty Mouth she has gained such respect for me and is very proud of her mother, the author.  When  she first started to read the book she was so afraid that she would not like it and she was terrified about how she would handle it. Lo and behold she loves Potty Mouth even though it was tough to read some of the heartbreaking things she never knew about and would never know about it if she hadn’t read the book.  And so MS has brought me much closer to my children.

That’s all I will write about relationships today. Next will be to tackle my  ex-husband. It’s a really tough one…

All of Potty Mouth is my story, my relationships and how I have coped and how I carry on with what I have learned.


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