My Very First Spinal Tap

Lumbar puncture (spinal tap)

A lumbar puncture, or spinal tap, is a procedure to collect cerebrospinal fluid to check for the presence of disease or injury. A spinal needle is inserted, usually between the 3rd and 4th lumbar vertebrae in the lower spine. Once the needle is properly positioned in the subarachnoid space (the space between the spinal cord and its covering, the meninges), pressures can be measured and fluid can be collected for testing.

This is the story of how I first learned that I have multiple sclerosis. It also happens to be a chapter in the book I have written, Potty Mouth.

My Very First Spinal Tap

When I was about 21 years old I started to notice a fuzzy gray spot in my left eye that stayed there all the time. It got to be quite bothersome to the point where it was hard to see properly out of it and made reading very uncomfortable. I went to see a local optometrist who sent me to a specialist to see what was going on. The doctor did a very thorough and comprehensive eye exam with lots of different tests and finally he sat down with me and my husband and explained to us that what I had was optic neuritis. The doctor had a very worried look on his face when he told me that disturbing piece of news and said that if I noticed any other symptoms that I should immediately see a neurologist. I asked him why and he said just to be on the safe side. So when we left the doctor’s office I felt a little unsure and jittery but finally, after about 6 months the gray spot just disappeared.

The next thing that I noticed was tingling in my left arm which seemed to get worse as time went on and was as if my arm had fallen asleep but the tingling was so much worse than that. It became especially worrisome when I physically exerted myself in any way and still I didn’t say anything at all about it to my husband. Having sex was becoming excruciating and for at least a month I tried to hide it and then finally during one of our sexual encounters I couldn’t take it anymore. Lou thought that he had hurt me but I tried to explain to him with tears gushing from me, what I was going through. I had no idea what would cause something like this but I finally made an arrangement to see a neurologist.

I was admitted into the hospital for several days of testing. My hospital roommate was 17 and a bundle of life; funny, adorable, antsy and sick. She also had to go through a battery of tests so we had a lot to talk about. It also happened that we had the same doctor who performed spinal taps on us both. She had already had hers before I was admitted and I was really scared even before she said hers was very painful which made me dread the procedure all the more.

My spinal tap was scheduled for the next morning and I slept very badly especially for all the hospital goings-on late at night and technicians waking us up to check our temperature and blood pressure and take blood samples at three or four in the morning. For the love of God, wouldn’t you think they could do those things in the morning and let us just fucking sleep? And they wonder why we were so tired and grumpy in the morning!

Anyway, the doctor was Indian or Pakistani and he seems very caring and gentle and reassured me that it would not be too bad and it would all be over soon.

I had on one of those horrible hospital gowns that opened in the back with just two little strings to tie together at the neck totally exposing my back and of course my ass.

I will from here on it called this guy Dr. Ick. He had me lay on my side facing away from him in a special room for these special procedures and what I distinctly remember is that horrible color of the walls was like a dirty, dingy, puke green. Funny about the things we recall when all is said and done even after almost 40 years. He adjusted the bed just right so we could do what he needed to do; suck some of my life fluids out of me with that really long needle which seemed to me to be at least a foot long and maybe even more.

It was very painful but the worst part of it, even worse than the needle being stuck into my spine to take out several quarts of spinal fluid, was that Dr. Ick, while performing this delicate procedure was rubbing his cock against my backside. He had on scrubs but I could feel his hard on rubbing against my skin. I wondered if I were imagining this, did he really need to have his body right up against me, and was he really dry humping me while I had to stay perfectly still? I was facing away from him and could not see him and I certainly was not going to say anything to him and risk being paralyzed for life or have him hurting me in some horrible way.

I grew up a country girl in North Dakota and I was very naïve so this was way out of my range of experience. The whole procedure seemed to take forever and I wondered if he purposefully made it more painful than necessary to help keep control of the whole situation. I have had several spinal taps since then and none of them have been nearly as painful. I believe the procedure now is to have a nurse accompanying patients when procedures are done but that’s not the way it was done back then. No one looking in the door could see what he was doing because his back was facing the door. He seemed to have set up quite a gig for himself.

Finally he was finished; I mean with the spinal tap; not sure if he ever came in his scrubs. I was told to lay straight on my back for at least eight hours or I would experience a devastating headache and to make no sudden movements so I guess that meant no pulling out a sawed off shotgun and putting four or five blasts into his balls.

When I was wheeled back into my room I was quiet for a long time and my roommate was out having more tests done. When she finally came in she asked me how it went and I asked her if Dr. Ick had done the same thing to her, rubbing his penis up and down on her while performing a dangerous medical procedure and she screamed …”YES!!” validating that he was not supposed to be `that close to our exposed buttocks not to mention sexually assaulting young women who are scared enough because we are sick. She said she hadn’t told anyone either because no one would believe her. I felt the same way. I mean who would believe the two of us against a neurologist at a major New York City hospital?

When my husband came to visit later that evening and I told him about the horrible incident he did not believe me. I knew that he wouldn’t. He said I must’ve just been imagining it and when I told him that my roommate experienced the same thing he was still very doubtful so I knew there was no recourse for us. I wonder how many women he has abused in this way and I wonder if he ever got caught.

This is the same doctor who first informed me that I have MS.  One hell of a doctor with one hell of a diagnosis.  And a day I will never forget.

I knew then, and I know still, that Dr. Ick had humped me like a dog in heat while doing a spinal tap on me. I hope his prick gets hit with a major case of scabies and his balls develop oozing sores and then he gets an infected bowel and now needs a poop bag and he has a really bad case of hiccups that just won’t stop and he has all the symptoms of a terrible menopause and two ingrown toenails that hurt like hell… and oh yeah… gets bitten by a raccoon and gets rabies and has to go to the hospital where they discover his abhorrent behaviors from the past and after a very quick trial is sentenced to life in prison with no chance of parole.

That’ll teach him to mess with young vulnerable women who just want a diagnosis and not a perverted Dr. Ick putting his dick where it doesn’t belong.

Here is a link to my book, Potty Mouth, and I invite you to take a look.

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3 Responses to My Very First Spinal Tap

  1. lori says:

    Now youve got me wanting more of your story. As to what you experianced with your husband and your life up to now.

  2. Hank says:

    Never had one and don’t want one. Doesn’t look like fun

  3. renaeclare says:

    lol Hank–are you talking about the abusive humping dr. or the spinal tap?

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