It’s that time of year when it’s actually nice outside here in northern Texas. And I feel terrible about it. On the one hand I want to get outside and do something exciting and wonderful and fun. That’s the part of me that isn’t even aware that I have MS. The part that just doesn’t give a shit if I get overheated, exhausted, or burnt to a crisp. That would be the really fun part of me that I miss ever so much.
Now the other part of me, the part of me that is always thinking ahead, the part of me that thinks about consequences and is well aware that I have multiple sclerosis; that’s the part of me that I’m really sick of. The party pooper part of me. The asshole stick in the mud part of me that is just no darn fun.
I used to love being outside. I love gardening. I used to jog 3 to 5 miles a day and I was fit as a fiddle as the old saying goes. Now I have trouble l taking care of my indoor plants, I get around in my wheelchair, and I’m as fit as a 60-year-old woman paralyzed with multiple sclerosis. Good god this sucks!
On days like this, I have to remind myself that it is my job to take care of myself as best I can and to put a smile on my face even though I don’t fucking feel like it. Nobody likes a grumpalump and I refuse to be the person that brings everybody else down just because I’m not as mobile as they are. The best thing to do when I feel like this is to write about it and remind myself that there is a vitality inside of me that can’t be easily seen from the outside but that I can show with my attitude and with the me that I present to the world. And that is the blessed relief that I can give not only to the people around me, I also give it to myself. Grumpy bitchy people are just not very Ap-pealing.
I invite you to take a look at the web site for the book that I have written, Potty Mouth which will be coming out at the end of May and I am so very excited. And please leave your comments in the space below. I promise I will reply to each and every one. Thank you.