Myriad of Aides…

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Myriad of Aides…

Over the course of the last five years I have had a myriad of home health care aides. and when I say a myriad I mean that I have had to fire six of them for one thing or another. It is not unusual for aides to take advantage of people with disability. One of them had obsessive compulsive disorder, one of them wanted to borrow a large sum of money, and there was one that I was actually afraid of physically. I called her the Amazon woman. She was at least 5’10” and 250 pounds. This one started out very caring and helpful but turned out to be a frightening manipulating bitch.

I discuss all of this in detail in my book,Potty Mouth, which will be on the market shortly ( I can’t wait!) and I compiled a list of questions to ask your home health aide before you hire her or him and then the list of questions that I really wanted to ask but by law and not able to. Here is a partial list of the ones that the law forbids me to actually ask.

My wonderful psychotherapist Dr.Cinzia, taught me how to set boundaries and how not to let anyone take advantage of me particularly when they were there to help me and not me to help them.

Questions I Would Really Like To Ask My Home Health Care Aide

  • Do you have more than an eighth grade education?
  • Have you ever worked as an aide before?
  • Am I your first client and is that why you act like such a ditz?
  • Am I in danger when you try to lift and transfer me in and out of the shower chair, bed or my wheelchair? I feel like a sack of flour when you transfer me.
  • Do you have a car and do you know how to drive it?
  • Do you have a valid driver’s license or are you afraid to let the cops know who you really are?
  • Have you ever taken and failed a drug test?
  • Do you have a huffy attitude?
  • Do you understand fucking English?
  • Have you actually had any kind of training to become an aide?
  • Have you ever been in prison? And for what crime?
  • Are you an illegal alien?
  • Have you ever been reported for mistreating, intimidating, or physically, mentally, psychologically, are sexually abusing a person in your care? I don’t believe you.
  • Are you too overweight to bend over and pick up things that I might drop?
  • Will you need to go back to your country of origin in order to renew a visa and would you be respectful enough to let me know before I hire you so I may make an informed fucking decision?
  • Would you call me and ask me if it is okay for you to bring your bratty spoiled child with you to my home during vacations?
  • Do you think that any other job would accept such behavior? I assure you, they would not.
  • Do you have any medical conditions such as OCD, ADHD, Tourette’s syndrome, psychosis, debilitating depression, multiple personalities or any other physical or mental conditions that may interfere with the care given to your clients and in particular, me, so that I may make an informed decision if I wish to have you in my home.
  • Have you ever had a physical and if so, what were the results?
  • Do you often work as fast as you can with no care about the efficiency of your work just so that you can get the hell out of there as fast as fucking possible?
  • Are you a goddamn lazy person who just wants to collect a paycheck and has no pride in the work that your lazy ass has been assigned to do?
  • Are you the type of person who will take advantage of a kind and sweet person, slowly and with intent getting more and more manipulative and taking advantage of and thereby making your client uncomfortable and upset?
  • Do you come into a client’s home talking on your cell phone and keep on talking as long as you wish and keep on talking whenever your phone rings taking care of your personal business while you are at work on your job?
  • Do you really think that you would get away with that kind of inappropriate goddam behavior in any other job?
  • Are you short tempered and get irritated with your client when she asks for things to be done in a particular way and you have your own way of doing things?
  • That should give you just some idea of the types of behavior to avoid from your home health care aide. I wish you good luck and good health.
  • here is the link for my book site and thank you for looking.
  • http://www.thepottymouthbook.com
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